stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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