well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
