I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
