If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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