This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
