Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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