i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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