i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
is wine microwaveable?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
