he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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