as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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