That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
