Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
