At least make sure they are 18
Why
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were destined to go to rehab together
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
