someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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