I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
