My entire life is one complicated drinking game
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
