He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I understand Curling. That high.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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