I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
