She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
