The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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