his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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