Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
