I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
