how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
