Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize