Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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