be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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