Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
