You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize