Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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