Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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