She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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