Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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