In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
