I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
