Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i believe in u and ur pee
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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