How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
