Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i dont even know how to be here
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
