we made out on top of his cat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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