the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
