Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
