So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
