yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
