Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
