There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
