Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
