I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
