R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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