Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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