I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
