Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
