it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
