please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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