Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
