i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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