That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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