Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
