I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
