He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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