remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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