His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
