Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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