nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
