I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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