You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
