It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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