I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
