Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize